Life would be easier if I moved back to the States. It would be more fun, more friend-filled, and more comfortable. I would have free unlimited internet, access to Starbucks and Barnes & Noble, and a mall I’ve known well since I was seven. I would be closer to my friends and in the same city as my best friend. The pros kind of never end. Life would be kind of perfect.
But it would be wrong. Whether or not life would be easier is not up for debate. But it would be the wrong place for me. Despite all the apparently good things, I would be unhappy, because it’s not where God wants me, at least not in the long term. Yeah, I’m more comfortable and familiar here. Hello, I grew up here. But if I’m not in the place where God wants me to be, it’s going to be hell on earth. What am I without Him? What can I possibly hope to have without Him? Being away from the familiar things and away from friends has brought me closer to God, has given me a better sense of who I actually am, and of what I have to do; it’s molded me. Easy doesn’t mold you; hard molds you. Starbucks and friends and Barnes & Noble and cookie dough and Ben & Jerry’s and CDs don’t mold you. These are all good things that are good to have. But what I’m saying is that we need the hard, difficult, lonely, crying-every-day times, because those times are what make us who we are.
Without the last two and a half years, my self esteem would still be at zero, I would still be afraid of all things two-legged, I wouldn’t be half as close to God as I am, I would still have no self discipline and still be totally apathetic toward life, I would be “comfortable,” I would be uncourageous, unbrave, unbold, unready to take risks, and I would weigh fifty pounds more and be way out of shape and miserable and unhealthy and have diabetes or something. Maybe not quite, but that’s where I was headed. I would be miserable and unfulfilled in this comfortable life.
We need the hard times. Besides, if everything is easy all the time, how can you truly every appreciate it? Now when I go to Barnes & Noble (which is a lot while we’re here) I feel like it’s Christmas, my birthday, and Christmas again. When I can actually walk into a store, buy a shirt that fits me and is good quality for $5, I freak out (in a happy way). When I go onto the internet and know I don’t have to worry about the megs, I feel like I can fly.
But we need the hard times. We need the difficult, the challenging, to shape us. To be non-apathetic. To live. To live.