Oh, Was I Gone?

I realized about 8.7 seconds ago that the reason I have not been writing is because I apparently associate this blog with trying to find a distraction from my soul-sucking AP classes, and that I don’t want to relive the stress of my post, The Long Haul. So I thought I’d get over that by forcing myself to write.

I got my new classes and I’m way excited. Psychology, Creative Writing, Trig/Pre-Calc, and Chemistry. Oh yes. No boredom, one easy class to balance it out, two super interesting classes, and one freaking hard one that I’ll have to freaking work freaking hard at. Yes, this will be intense. BUT it will not be torturous. You know what’s torturous? Working on classes that you’ve been working on for two and a half years. Really, the classes were great, but the dragging on was horrible. Very bad. This will be fun. Plus I get to ride a horse for sixty hours and work at a ranch and get school credit for it. Rad, yeah?

On a more serious note, I miss band. Before you get all “how pathetic, she keeps coming back to missing band, boo-hoo, how stupid” on me, just wait. Tonight I went to my pal’s band banquet, like how our band had the chili dinner (except whoa, this was fancy and sparkly dresses and real trophies for awards and jazz). And I was sitting there listening to all these inside jokes and looking at all these pictures of crazy people and hearing all the stories about the band director and talented seniors. And at first I kept thinking, “wow, this was so great at Air Academy with all the stuff that happened.” But then, as the night went on, I realized…that I’d only ever heard about that stuff, or watched it happen. And then I realized that even thought I don’t believe in do-overs or regrets, if I had to choose something in my life to do over, it would be high school. I was so afraid of life and of just living that I let myself miss out on some of the greatest times in life. I just…sat there and watched. Why did I just sneak by with my music instead of practicing my rear off, especially because it means so much to me? Did I seriously care about being the slacker brand of cool? it didn’t seem like it, but maybe that was it. And why was I all antisocial and weird?

Anyway. I just needed to vent. I have no regrets and I don’t want a do-over. I’m not dwelling on things I can’t change that have already happened and passed away. I’m just saying. You should want big things. You should want Life with a capital L, Life that gives you goosebumps and shivers and that makes you feel like your soul is too big for your body. You should want that. But it’s not going to get like that by itself. Every day is part of Life, and every day has to be a step closer, has to be a step closer to that. Don’t waste time freaking out and worrying about what other people think of you. They’re not living your life; you’re living your life. So make it yours.

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