Expanding Souls

I am now at about 15k / 240k of Shard, and I’m at the point where I can’t go on without some serious planning of the history and all that. I already have many snippets of history of Jack’s world and I more or less know what happens, but I need to organize it. The problem is that in all the previous drafts, he was thousands of years old, as was Elizabeth, and now they’re not, which cuts so much of everything I worked so hard on out of the picture.

Wait. A second.

I kind of feel like hitting myself in the eye right now. Scratch half of what I just said. I have the whole history up to where I am now, more or less, so I just need to fill in the gaps (build bridges and so on), and they are still thousands of years old. Also, maybe I should ramble about this more often on the ‘net, since it apparently helps me to get my horribly scattered thoughts in order. The trilogy idea is working out very well, by the way. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. I’m not by any means Tolkien, oh my word, but this is the only analogy I can think of on the spur of the moment, so: imagine trying to shove all of The Lord of the Rings into one, three hundred-page book. It kind of hurts your brain, doesn’t it? Well.

So. On a very different note. Anyone who has been reading my blog or who remotely knows anything about me knows that this is true: I am not perfect. I am fickle, I am often self-centered, and I lack discipline. I make goals and don’t reach them, I say things and don’t do them, I remember all the wrong things and forget the things I should remember. My faith is mediocre, my head is much too big for me, I have several large planks in my eyes but still think I can see well enough to pick out the splinters in others’. I’m pretty sure I’m one of the outside-of-the-glass-is-clean-but-the-inside-is-dirty people. I don’t appreciate my friends the way I should, I’m horrible at replying to messages, and I even forget birthdays. I am not who you want to try to be.

But for all my faults, I do know this: it is not written anywhere that I am, or that any of us are, supposed to be perfect from the get-go, or even when we die. The sooner I realize that for the rest of my life I will be a work in progress, the better. The sooner I make peace with the fact that I am and will always be far from perfect, the sooner I can live in that peace. This is not to let us off the hook, that we don’t have to try anymore; I don’t mean to try and justify my shortcomings. All I’m saying is God does not expect that we will be perfect; He expects us to love Him. And when we can’t do even that, He still loves us.

6 thoughts on “Expanding Souls”

  1. *hug* Indeed yes. And you will look back one day (every few years, you get that day 😉 ) and go “wow. Look how far I’ve come.” And then the next day you’ll feel twelve again as something hits you. >_>

    But we don’t actually lose that progress. It’s still there. ^__^

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  2. Liefkind

    ek waardeer alles wat jy skryf en ek weet dit help om te ‘process’
    maar ek wil ju herinner sn die krag van die gesproke woord. jou tong en gedagtes is kragtig! Daarom mot jy ook meer positiewe dinge uitspreek.
    Onthou ook ‘n groot deel van die geheim/kuns van die lewe is om die ‘journey’ te geniet, nie net die arrival nie. Ek het dit eers lat in my lewe besef en probeer dit nou doen.
    Verder doen jy fantasties.
    Ek bly trots op jou. Dankie dt jy is wie jy is.
    Mammie

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    1. Dankie mammie! Dis waar dat ons die journey moet geniet. Maar ek dink jy doen goed daarmee 🙂 Liefde

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  3. Liewe V
    Ek het so vinnig gescan maar mooi gekyk na joi laaste 2 paragrawe. Hmmmm-jy kloink vir my presies soos die girl wat d here d beste kan gebruik. Iemand wat wat dat sy tekortkominge het en Vader nodig het om haar perfek te maak. Jy laat my so dink aan die liewe Koning David.Jys perfek vir d job waarvoor God JOU create het. Geniet j lewe-

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