Oswald Chambers said something along the lines of “Change isn’t adding things to become new, it’s God taking things away to reveal the you He made to begin with.” In other words, it’s becoming more and more who you really are. It’s a little sad that we allow so much to be plastered onto us; things that we think are more lovely than we are, but that, in reality, make us like works of art splashed with discordant colors and textures.
Who is the you inside? Why are you hiding yourself? Is it because of insecurities, comparing yourself to other people, wanting to be someone else? Is it because you’re afraid people won’t like you if you show yourself? Or, more likely, because you’d rather someone dislike you for something you’re not than for something you are?
I hide myself for all these reasons. But lately, the conflict has become too great, too tiring and stressful. God is working on the me inside, and she wants out. For a while I projected this on other people, going on rants in my head: “Why do they want to put me in a box? Why can’t they accept me the way I am? Why do they want me to be like them?” But that’s not the issue at all. The only one standing in my way is me. I made the box. I built the walls. I wanted me to be like everyone else.
But I’m not. And I’m writing this because I think there are many other people who struggle with the same thing, and you need to read this. But really read it; don’t just skim and go, “Oh, that’s cool.” I know that’s what you normally do with these things, because that’s what I normally do. But don’t do it this time. For yourself. Let it sink in.
God made YOU the way YOU are. You ARE unique, you ARE original. God doesn’t make copies and clones. He made YOU because He wants YOU to be alive and to be who YOU are. He has given YOU unique talents and gifts and quirks and personality traits that combine to depict to the world a specific aspect of who HE is that only YOU can depict. If you are not letting you be you, the world is missing out on something great, grand, and glorious that God wants to show. And you are cutting beautiful, breathtaking, awe-inspiring pieces of yourself off and throwing them away. You are plastering big black-out sheets over magnificent artwork that is meant to shine out and show people the heart of God, the beauty of God, the majesty of God.
So stop. It will take time, but allow God to peel off the black-out sheets. The reason why you don’t have peace despite your good relationship with God is because you are battling to be someone you’re not. But you know what? No one is as good at being you as you are. And the thing we often envy in other people is their ability to just be themselves. So do it. Be yourself. Who you are is between you and God; no one else has the right to intrude on that sacred ground. They can build you up and help you and raise you, but your core identity is a place only God can and should speak into. Let Him speak. Let Him build you with His breath. Let Him call you out of the box you’ve built.
In His name, there is freedom. Be free.